Relating too much

I swear, listening to Paramore while I’m drinking beer just makes me want to spam the entire lyrics to every song on the internet.

Paramore - Monster

Still the best song of 2011.

Tonight’s playtime agenda: toy walker, doodling with crayons, reading, learning words, building blocks, hand games, peek-a-boo, escaping the Tickle Monster, and headbanging to Paramore. Mission complete? I think so. Now mommy gets a beer.

Synthetica review for Gerard

The Void is one of the dumbest songs I’ve ever heard.

And this album is pretty boring. Was Emily high when she made this, or something?

alchemyjones replied to your post: You know

I would have made more time to hang out with you but I was 16 and didn’t have a license :P And also now I live like a bajillion (Read: 100) miles away.

Yeah, and the rest of them all had an excuse like yours every time too. But I am just completely tired of the endless excuses. I made time for everyone and never got it in return, that’s all there is to it. And Alex is absolutely right, I need to just move on. We’ll still be Tumblr friends or whatever, I just don’t expect to hang out with Syracuse people anymore again.

You know

I have to say, it’s pretty sad that Alex’s friends I met online less than a week ago have more time for me than any of my old friends did.

I used to think it was just me being borderline, and making me imagine how shitty my friends always were to me, but nope… it’s definitely true, and from watching other people’s friends I’m starting to see it clearly. I guess I should’ve known from other people telling me similar, but it’s really easy to doubt yourself when you have a disorder telling you what’s real or make believe half the time. But even down to hearing out of your boyfriend’s mouth, “you have two actual friends in your life, and their names are Paul and Paul”, I still fucking denied it, and clung onto my old friends… and for what, I don’t know.

But the fact is… if people want to make time for you, they will. Which is something I never learned or took to heart. And for 5 years nobody that I cared about did that for me. I got cancelled on for 9/10 plans I ever made with anyone, when I always put them first, revolved my entire schedules around them. And then was told that I just have a “curse” with plans and “really bad luck”. More like really lame friends. I didn’t get to do fun things when everyone else was because people would have someone “better” than me to hang out with, and choose last minute plans with that “better” person over plans we had made far in advance. I can’t believe I was in such denial about this shit for so long besides my feelings which people just wrote off as me being crazy. Syracuse and Rochester were probably the most fun periods of my life, only made even sadder by the fact that I meant so little to those people compared to what they meant to me.

I’m just glad I have a daughter now to put my energy into, because nobody else in my life was ever really worth it or cared until now.

Okay, is it just me

…or is Pinterest is just about the most pointless thing on the internet since Instagram?